Monday, February 15, 2010

Life is What Happens...

I haven't really fallen off the face of the earth this week.

My mother in law (Walter's mother) passed away on Friday. She had breast cancer.

It wasn't the first battle. She had breast cancer 15 years ago, and she beat it.

Then last year, it returned, only this time it was a pretty nasty strain that was more difficult to combat. She tried chemo, which made her feel like crap, and we worried because she didn't seem to get better. Less than two weeks ago the doctors told her that the cancer had returned and that it had spread to her liver, and they gave her 6 months.

I think that my MIL had no intention of lying around for 6 months waiting for death. Like most everything else I've ever witnessed the woman do, I think she decided that she was going to take control of the situation. I think she'd decided that she'd just had enough.

On Friday, surrounded by her family, she passed away, peacefully and comfortably, in her own bed, on what I believe, were her own terms.

I'll be honest, neither Walter or I have done this before, lost a parent that is, and we're pretty much just trying to figure it all out. There's a lot that we've never seen or dealt with before. We saw a lot in those 10 days as she went from being pretty sick, to not getting out of bed, to being unable to really carry on a conversation, to being unconscious, to the end. There were (and continue to be) lots of decisions to be made. How much do we let the kids see and know? (I tend to err on the side of "death is a part of life; they are old enough to know that this is what happens.), funeral arrangements, notifying family and friends, it's a lot.

In any event, I've not done much running this week, or blogging. I finally got to the gym this morning for about an hour and a half. Betty met me and made me laugh (I told her she had to, no pressure though, and she did of course).

Anyway, just wanted you all to know that I am still here and that I'll be back, but I gotta pay attention to the family this week.

26 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. (((hugs)))

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  2. God Bless her to live and die by her terms. Please accept my most sincere condolences to both you and Walter.

    I have to agree with you, death is a part of life and the kids should be aware / part of the grieving process, although they don't need to know more than a kid their age can handle....

    You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. I love to hear when people get leave this earth on their own terms. It's truly amazing the crap I see when people can't let go. I know, first hand, how hard it is to lose a parent, but to put them or anyone through such unbelievable tests and procedures just drives me nuts. I'm truly sorry for your loss, yet commend your family for letting you MIL run the show till the end. Great that she was surrounded by all her loved ones. My prayers to you and your hubby.....

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  4. Oh I am so sorry for your family's loss. *hugs*

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  5. I'm sorry for your loss.

    But I'm glad she was able to pass away peacefully in her home surrounded by her loved ones - I'd want the same thing for myself.

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  6. I'm so sorry, there are no words that will really help. I AM glad that it sounds like it was short and peaceful. I lost my mom ~10 years ago, cancer and a short 'finale.' The only thing that helps is time, I have found. The bad part is that you can't hurry time. Thinking of you and your family.

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  7. I'm sorry about Walter's mom passing. These losses are difficult and take time to be absorbed. My in-laws both died when my husband and I were young, and their passing made us make some significant changes in our own lives. Maybe her death will do the same for you all.

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  8. So sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers.

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  9. I'm sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

    You'd think that after losing my Dad earlier this year, I would know just what to say. But I don't. Instead, all I really know is that you and your family must be going through a difficult time. *hugs*

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  10. My condolences.

    First things first. Blogging about life is nice, but dealing with it comes first. It's hard to know what to tell kids, but a death in their family needs to be dealt with, and I think it's best to err on the side of grownup.

    I watched my mom's dad die essentially of old age. He wasn't that old by today's standards but he had had a tough life, and I think he had decided it was time. There's nothing to be afraid of.

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  11. :( sniff.
    love you. love your family. cancer sucks.

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  12. I am very sorry for your loss. My husband and I are in that spot where neither one of us have lost a parent and I am not looking forward to figuring it out. I am glad you are there for Walter and you are going through this together.

    (((hugs)))

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  13. ((((huggggssss))). Sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family.

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  14. Again, I'm very sorry. If there's anything I could possibly do, let me know.

    It sounds like she fought as long as she could. I hope there is peace in knowing that she was surrounded by those who loved her.

    HUGS.

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  15. I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers join with everyone else's - winging their way to you and your family.

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  16. Cindi and Walter, I am so sorry for your loss! I cant imagine what you both are going thru! We are here for you if you need anything!!! I'm glad your MIL passed under her term and with her family around her!!!

    As for what you tell your kids, I only know from experience when my grandfather died back in the dark ages when I was about 9 years old. It was my grandfather who lived in Scotland (my mom's dad). He died while we were at Girl Scout camp. My mother had found a rock with a hole in it and "just knew" and then word came. We almost immediately left the camp and were on a plane to Scotland. My mother told me everything-could my 9 year old brain comprehend EVERYTHING, I don't know but, now at the ripe age of 30+, i am very glad I was included in my Grandfathers funeral! He was a huge part of my life and my mother felt it was only fair that I should be included and should be treated as a "grown-up". Some people might not agree-but I feel children are alot stronger than we adults give them credit for being! Trust your feelings-and realize that it will hurt them too and they will cry but, I think, the honesty of including them in this "part of life" will be something that they will always remember and will grow from! But ultimately it is your choice!

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and Walter and the rest of your family! Please know I am here if you need anything!!

    Penny

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  17. Your family continues to be in our thoughts. You were very fortunate that your kids got so much time with Grandma and will always have those memories....as you know...I lost both parents before the kids were born and the saddest part as we get older is that they never got to meet the kids and the kids never got to meet and be with them....your kids were lucky for the time they had with grandma and the time they still have with grandpa! Warmest Ari

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  18. Damn! I'm sorry for you family's loss. I will go to bed and wake up with prayers for you. xoxo

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  19. I'm sorry for your loss. That must be tough.

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  20. I'm sorry. Lots of hugs. Peace.

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  21. I'm so sorry for your loss! ((HUGS))

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  22. My heart goes out to you and Walter's family. I, too, am sorry for your loss. Lots of thoughts and prayers going out to you all. ♥

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  23. What you just wrote sounds SO much like what happened to my grandmother back in November.

    She had breast cancer a few years back, then had breast cancer a second time a few years after that, and then she had cancer again. This all started about 5 years ago. This last time, we found out about the cancer in June of this last year. The cancer was in back area. She had cancer in her liver, one of her lungs, some of her bones, and in her spleen. She fought it and fought hard.

    Then on a Sunday night, she started saying really weird things. My parents thought she was just dehyrdated because she hadn't been eating or drinking enough because the chemo did a number on her stomach. They took her to the ER and she was admitted. They did a brain scan on Tuesday and found it has spread to her brain. She was in and out of consciousness and didn't make a whole lot of sense when she mumbled. The week before, she was walking and laughing.

    She passed away on Wednesday. We were all there with her, her kidneys shut down, her blood pressure slowly dropped, and she hadn't "woken up" in quite some time. Then, all of a sudden, she opened her eyes but was unable to talk. About a minute later, she was gone. I think she was ready to go and just opened her eyes to tell us goodbye.

    I really do feel for your family. My family has been there and we're still there. It's amazing how much one strong person can make a difference in our lives. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you go down this very difficult road.

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  24. I'm so sorry, and prayers to you and Walter. I'm glad she was able to go out on her own terms.

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  25. Hi. In searching for running blogs, I just found you and wanted to express my condolances. We lost my MIL last April to cancer; a strong willed British woman who had never been sick before. We found out on Friday she had cancer and she died two days later. There are days, even know, almost a year later, that I am still reeling.
    I hope you find your peace with this. Losing a parent is hard stuff, but sadly a part of growing upo.

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